welcome to my thoughts and feelings…
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22
years now. it’s beginning to become a sizeable amount of time, and yet still so little when compared. i haven’t much new to say that i haven’t already been echoing around my mind of late, and i certainly didn’t find as grand celebration as last year. it wasn’t needed. the day was enjoyed, and ended…
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3 days
until my birthday. that’s always such a strange time in my life, i never know exactly quite to feel. expectations kill, and i don’t much feel the need for something big this year – thankfully, kaleb showed me that last year, and it was all i could have ever asked for. now i simply want…
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and another set of beginnings
the lights reflect wonderfully tonight. i got to visit some nice memories from my past, as another week rounds off well. in keeping with my reflections as with each turning of a season, i have been deliberating much in myself, reorganising my methods of living and work, and creating much. i have seen some good…
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january
and so it keeps on turning i feel like i’m taking in so much these days. it’s good to learn, as i seek to release the energy back into the next ideas. lots and lots of ideas. it’s always good to go back and ask how is the best way to approach something’s foundation. everyone…
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look! a synth i made
during the last year of my degree, we did some cool sound design study. if you happen to have the plugin ‘reaktor’ by native instruments, then you can load in an ensemble i made for a cool multi-oscillator FM / granular synthesiser i made, in a lovely lilac colour!! (yes i had to make it…
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here i am again
being all wistful and shit, thinking about how i’m going to make it all work. once again i shall go into unnecessary detail for you. this has been an intense first half of the year. graduation is done, my final portfolio completed and i begin to put it into the world. i find myself battling…
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a few records and a few parties
a few records and a few parties mondays are always the stangest day to find oneself, and while i still somehow entertain this lifestyle of study, creative practise and very little of my normal ‘job’ i am greeted with a different wave of emotions every time we have a new week. such an arbitrary distinction,…
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sunshine and its drunken haze
what an intense week. i struggled to keep my head clear when the sun came back with such intensity. we went to the park often, i smoked and drank a fair amount. one must find balance – sure i feel guilt for a lack of ‘productive’ admin and project work getting done in this time,…
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back from rome
yesterday was such a long day. still i managed to finish it in Tottenham with a little song. what seems so sporadic and unorganised, we spend dozens of hours trying to map and ascertain meaning. this can be useful, and then harmful, if stretched too thin. i like the balance in a developing artistry (for…
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no. 112
i sit down and think, how’s my week looking? it’s hard to keep to all of your commitments – often taking opportunities as they arise and allowing yourself some slack from your tasks to go and find new inspiration is what’s needed. inspiration drives all of my decision making i set myself much to do,…
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i feel like a shell of a man in the face of this cliff
I waited for you, watching the hand of the watch in my pocket crawl by, hour by hour. I saw the sun set and rise and set a thousand times, while I just sat by, and waited. I waited for you, to see my eyes broken and tear-stained, my stomach aching with hunger and my…
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24 hours toward the south
gracious thanks go toward how time has rolled by for me, and in my third month I have seen a third new country. intense focus went toward the completion of my deadlines this term, one of which reached 10,000 words of my future and its plans. a tough focus – no matter how much time…
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nourishment
She yawned, stretched and gazed to the Sun. Little flower, you smile so truly. Know thyself and know pure love, and once again I shall warm you with my light. Use it well, and remember from whence it came. You smile with me and bring me peace, so unto you the same is graced. Do…
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ah yes, another year
there’s hardly anything to say. but here’s a bunch of stuff anyway. i reflect on all that bring me smiles, and feel knots form and twist within me over all the embarrassments. things have always been difficult for me socially, and i have spent the majority of this time studying ways to mimic those to…
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at a time
Blue flowers kiss the door plaque, circle and frame your number, dancing around, heads held high for the pride and joy of The Threshold. One announces it with true care; an emphasis without strain. Breathe respect on its name when you speak. For they do not dance for nothing – they dance for love, everything…
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quite a while before
Should have hid it better, so that they wont see. The smallest parts of me, laid out on this table for all to see. My crumpled pieces of paper, they dry me from the river. Shy, little frowning figure trudge away the distance between our heads. It was a cold year, he said. I do…
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catharsis
another rollercoaster of feelings, and 2am struck with the same usual empty pit. thankfully a decent sleep refreshed me from it, though often it is not so easy. sometimes it takes some great effort to approach these things, and understand their root. it’s funny how easily we can run out of emotions, if we’re not…
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waxing and waning
it’s getting to be that yearly time of reflection. i’m trying not to look at myself with such excessive scrutiny now, and rather say thanks for all the ways i’ve made it through the year. i’ve seen a lot, and achieved much more than i would have imagined, and setup even more to unfold over…
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the evening
Fixate on my curriculum, study between my tiles, a charred, crumbling grout seals me. Place a table upon my lap, and by the dinner we gather here today to give honour, and take back what is ours. By sunrise the floor will wash away, and we will see all. Then one day there will still…
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feathers
Another hour strikes upon the mark, parting ways bring dark afar, only if you ask. Prioritise what you draw, hark the mourning bird of morn. Draw into dark and see what you set up, but look for light of pure grace, and grace you shall have. Is it yours to have? There is no yours,…
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the birthing fire
Daylight breaks a sweet resolve to mystery, petals unwind with the gentle swing; dwindling voice, my lullaby. Some response to a call, again the trees sing. My path, drifting as a student of ways, came across the riverbank, pieces of selves exchanged in the waves, splashing crashes of mind, me? Who knows what that is. …
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training
just a reminder Each day is a way to train for growth; if I am outputting then, tentatively, it can be learned and refined. This also holds true for what we place within. Observe all around you for guidance, be precise and intentional in action. And so it unveils the mindfulness, in a procession of…
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breath as your anchor
Sing once again, rises the sun a golden hour. An era of knowing deeply of what we know not. Open your heart with the morning bird, born anew with each breath. Your way is yours to find, each of you. Remember your thanks, here for the real progression of life. I wonder what it’ll hold,…
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the jewel
Sweet bloom of flowers sigh, unwind me from your rainbow quilt. Dance in the shining light, gracious for this life that thrives. Streams and crystal pools of water, take me with you on your travels. Jewels and gems of softest petals, sway with the tide that carries me. Gaze into the reflection and see it…
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with the moon
so within the days , cycling curves of moonlight bladed edge carves a sweet ark of sky, a spot I might rest by for the night lost eyes wonder to rays of delight open my heart and mind set right. for all is well when I breathe with the moon, alight upon the texture of…
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on your lonley planet
Oh my rose, singular and swaying wear your glass hat dear, you mustn’t fall over. How can it feel, to be the last of your people solemnly waiting. Greet me once more each morning, and let us give thanks together. I water you, and you nourish me back. Never stop reaching past your roof my…
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the waves crash
Virtuosity, siren of three intervals subtle green and blue notes merge together and foam at the beach’s mouth. Sea of music in a cry from above wash away my face and borrow my name; I am the ebb and flow, though my attention is lost, an imprecision. Where am I in the tide? I’ve stacked…
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once again
I watched the sparks jump for joy, across the void between my high and this noise Echoing back to me, crack of the tree let out and brought to fire, I’m alight. Dance me in a thousand flames Dress me in a thousand names see through my spine. Shatter to my feet while the blank…
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the pond
sleek blue bedsheet of the earth, drawn tight and tucked in at the corners, all creases brushed out the pond neatly composes itself, sighs quietly and answers your command of exactly what is nothing more nothing less. I hold my breath a moment and listen waiting to see how the mirror reacts. Strung together a…
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on dropping the ball
It has been a considerable amount of time amidst confusion. An equal amount of time in some form of hyper-fixated understanding, though the two seem to blur so much when each feels so visceral. As usual I resolve at the blessing, when I think of all the wonderful people in my life who continue to…