another rollercoaster of feelings, and 2am struck with the same usual empty pit. thankfully a decent sleep refreshed me from it, though often it is not so easy. sometimes it takes some great effort to approach these things, and understand their root.

it’s funny how easily we can run out of emotions, if we’re not careful and run too wild with them. discipline seems to be required much more than i give for granted. but often it’s also just how you move your energy, and transmute these emotions. this is both the curse and blessing of being a ‘creative’, though even that term feels tainted after so much indulgence in instagram reels. often you aren’t feeling nothing, but too much of everything; you’re just lost, too deep in a sea of blinding emotions to be able to see and latch onto any one them.

so take some time and breathe. let it all go quiet and look, really try to grasp what some of the swirling currents are trying to tell you. don’t let it become your identity, to be entirely consumed by the ever-changing tumult of perspective, but rather see how it can be identified, with a curious lens. then, you may begin the journey of transmutation. to take the animal that is gnawing at your side, and let it grow and unfold into something tangible, that is able to express what felt so inexpressible. the great release, catharsis, as my beloved always reminds me. it seems all the best art is so incredibly cathartic.

thats why music helps me understand.

this is all a means of discovery.

to let it all out, in a way that feels to make the most sense,

or at least more sense than the scribbly mess inside one’s mind.

we are making a map,

one pocket of feeling at a time.

it’s just really quite intense sometimes, if you don’t know how to address it.

i think i shall go and study some things.