Like clockwork time has slipped past my fingers again, but not before i’ve grasped somewhat of a deep hold of things this time. my eyes blink through the winter haze as i reminisce, and lay a deep sigh out to the air. so much has come and gone, so much has changed, so many new experiences, things that had to be let go, so much pain and joy. i wore new smiles, adorned by new old clothes, sung new songs, made new mistakes and found new resolutions (or perhaps re-learnt the same ones, just recycled). much has been lost and found, and as always i’ve felt as though i have been plunged far too deep into the ice of life and its rays, far too often. then again i was able to be lifted, try anew and see what the next morning held.
my friends, such wonderfully strong and patient people, have all wandered alongside this meandering course of strife and relief, not quite unscathed, but all the more wise and rich. then there are those who taught me great lessons, cherished in their time, but grew in other directions to the one from which i am called, i had to leave, through such pain i would never wish. but that is the reminder of what has given us life. my thanks resound deeply within the core, despite the sharpened edge of the blade of loss.
i often say how i find myself upon the edge of a tipping point, a new period to enter, and perhaps truly from such intense introspection and study of expression that i strive to always sing, every quarter of every year more or less finds me almost reborn, waiting in the seams between fate and fierce (and somewhat cocky) determination for the next colour of my heart’s seasons to show.
so here we are again at such a threshold, as always invigorated despite the countless imperfections of life style, adamant to keep on learning to thrive in this city i call home, laying my heart down in service to creation, painting however, wherever, whatever renditions of these experiences for my soul to sing lighter. for others’ to as well.
there is so much to refine, learn and improve to allow things to be softer, kinder, stronger, healthier, to hone in on my crafts deeper, to exist in myself unapologetically and look to dismiss social fears, finding friends wherever i pass. but i think i’m doing alright. i lay under thick sheets and half glimpse the blue-grey light through a thin, condensed window, surrounded by my shrine of expression and feeling, colours and shapes of my heart and those whom i love. and i smile. there is much to be grateful for in this little, sweet moment, before i’m swept into a blur again, preparing food, rushing on trains, working until the most gruelling hours of the night. it is all part of the most fantastically coloured tapestry. i pray it never abates in the diversity of all i get to see, hear, feel, all who i get to meet, and all the ways i am reminded that we are so deeply and unmistakably alive. there is nothing else to dream of but this, in its natural successions spurred on by our love and strength.
much to do, much to do, much to do…. let December round off our reflections and preparations, give us deep rest with good people, and give us the light to find new strength in january to keep on this path, whatever that may be. the systems around us continue to darken, but within we possess a strength greater than any wicked design can suppress. it is always there to find, should you forget.
take care good people, and let love guide your heart always. hope remains.
-taryn :))