it’s getting to be that yearly time of reflection. i’m trying not to look at myself with such excessive scrutiny now, and rather say thanks for all the ways i’ve made it through the year. i’ve seen a lot, and achieved much more than i would have imagined, and setup even more to unfold over the coming months. i also pushed myself right to my limits far too many times, once again falling into some deep illnesses and burnout. no matter how much we really do, it seems we’re always fighting this idea to chase more and more productivity. it’s a learning process.

there are things to be done, sure, as there always will be. but there is rest to be had, and still moments to just be. to take it all in. i’m proud of who i am becoming, mistakes and foolishness and all. at the end of it, the stars are coming together. howard tells me things are about to align well in my chart; the end of a 15 year streak of bad luck. that’s quite a lot of years.

i’ve lost my mind a fair few times. more than i can count really, amongst some seriously stupid mistakes, and some mandatory growing experiences. each time i’ve found what i was looking for, in one way or another. i had feared that, after so much strife working to reach certain realisations in my mind, a few years lost in the city had sent me back to square one in a heavy detriment. but these things don’t disappear; they just lie dormant, for a while.

take the time to go within, and remember.

just barely in time before i truly collapsed from exhaustion, i’ve made it back to scotland to rest, heal and return to nature for a while – to remember my reasoning behind it all, in the scenes that sparked my fire for musicianship in the first place. well, at least what made me reach my determined resolve for these things. there’s much to do, and i’m preparing accordingly, but hopefully in the coming months i can do so more lovingly, in a balanced manner that doesn’t burn the candle at both ends.

i’m really rather tired. isn’t it amazing how we can always rest and recharge.

don’t take it for granted.

just let yourself be, for one sweet moment.

with love,

taryn : )